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Eternal Sleep

“We fall into an eternal sleep, holding each other’s hands while pilgrimaging within the promised neverland.”

The Death

You used to ask me, if one day death arrives at my door, which way I would choose to end my breath. Laughing nonchalantly, I told you that being hurt is so frightening, so I would rather die without any torture.

“The most peaceful death is to fall into an eternal sleep.” You stared at me, silently with no hesitation. As if those beautiful, large ocean-like eyes were confining my soul like those enormous labyrinths, I wandered into there without realizing the smouldering fire inside the deep ultramarine shade.

Your eyes were the curse of the thirteenth fairy, the sharp shuttle on the reel of fate. On the day I fell into the ocean, this reel finally returned to its beginning point.

“An eye for an eye.”

Even until my last breath, perhaps, I was still a fool.

The Fool

The still, gloomy atmosphere engulfed the dark night forest, making it appear as though it were enclosed in a jar. The moonlight is hidden behind those enormous, ancient trees, casting thick black shadows over my whole body.

After lighting the talisman, and reciting a simple spell, some blue flames suddenly appeared, hovering around me. Those antiquated fairy tales refer to them as "corpse-candle", they are rumoured to only ever appeared in graveyards, or places full of corpses. Nevertheless, you once told me that they were actually guides and that if I ever got lost, all I had to do was light the talisman and recite the spell you had taught me, and they would miraculously emerge and direct me to your location.

The flickering lights from those blue flames soothed the vague anxiety inside me. I pulled on the rope, and slowly stepped into the Old Forest.

Since the old ancient times, this place has been the habitat for many powerful creatures, which has given it the name the Old Forest. The lecture in our school, which I don’t even remember much about because I was too sleepy, used to talk about a creature living in the Old Forest, with a bloodline holding the ability to cure any disease. The bloodline was a blessing to my family's first owner from that creature many years ago. Since then, our family's successive generations have inherited this miraculous healing lineage.

I am one of those descendants.

Because of my miracle blood, ever since I was a little kid, my parents have taken care of me with caution. I shouldn't trust anyone but our family, they told me, because there are numerous bad guys out there who are desperate for my gift and want to steal it for any price. To be able to attend school with other kids, I even have to hide my identity and change my surname.

Although I cannot understand much about those things, I carefully followed my parents’ words and do not have the slightest faith in anyone.

However, things started to break, right at the moment I met you.

The blue star of my heart.

The Star

There was a story that I once read, about a firefly and the blue star. The bright star was thousands of miles away, and flickering as if it was another firefly flying in the dark night. The little firefly thought the far far away star was his kind, so he spent long days and nights missing that star. In the end, the firefly died and his soul became the second blue star. “If you sail your boat after that second star” people said, “you can reach the promised neverland of eternity”.

The next part of the tasteless tale, which was only suitable for those little dreamers, has long since faded in my memory. I claimed that I’m not a dreamer myself, yet strangely, there’s always some kind of flickering light in my dull mind, about a blue star that will lead me to that unknown neverland.

I thought that I had finally met the star’s incarnation, right at the moment you appeared. Your hair was dyed by the dark-night colour, and your deep ultramarine eyes remind me of the ocean out there, wide, and endless. We were like two poles of the magnet, completely unalike. I was the troublemaker, a hyperactive child, always maintaining the last ranking in class because of laziness. A typical unruly student who drives those teachers insane.

Meanwhile, you were such a quiet, almost cold-looking boy. You were the top student in my faculty, passing exams with flying colours that I would never dare to dream about.

Even though we were staying in the same dorm, there was always a feeling that we belonged to two different worlds. As if I was an atheist and you were the highest priestess, I was a firefly while you were that blue star. You were someone that I can only look up to but was unable to be closer to.

That which brought us together was a secret, something I hadn't expected.

The High Priestess

My school was built on the site of a cathedral, with the Old Forest right on the side. Our dormitory had a strict rule of active hours, which all the students attend have to follow. The teachers told us that the Old Forest was a dignified but also dangerous place, and students would never be allowed to come to any steps close to that area.

Yet, I happened to see the sight you sneak into there.

Everything began with a nightmare, in which my hands were tightly tied by numerous ropes. Those people hang me on a wooden pole, accusing me that the bloodstream in my body was the blood of devils. Despite my crying and begging, the wooden pole with me on it started to set on fire. There was someone standing from a distance, quietly grinning. I cannot realize who that was because the burning red flame clouded my vision. The only sight left in the corner of my eyes was a deep ultramarine colour like the ocean.

In the middle of the pitch-black night, I panicked and woke up. Sweats poured out like a stream, soaking my long sleeves, and the pain from my left hand still lingered. I treacherously hold my arm for a while, trying to settle my terrify.

After finally calming down, I walked down off my bed to get some water for my dry sore throat. Unexpectedly, you weren't around when I flipped the curtain between the two sides of the room.

Looking out the window, I happened to see that the latch was not closed. The land was still wet because of the drizzle not long ago. I opened the window, and accidentally catch sight of your footprints towards the Old Forest. Right at the moment I decided to go out looking for you, the silhouette of yours appeared.

You looked at me, slightly surprised, but then it quickly turned into deliberation. I hurriedly said:

“Trust me, I won’t tell anyone about this.”

You smiled at me. That smile was so endearing, and my heart unintentionally skipped a beat because of it. I wondered why you don’t show that smile a little more often.

After that day, you would sometimes go into the Old Forest again. I did not ask the reason behind that at all. All I did was silently watched your silhouette disappear, and this made me feel like the distance between us was getting closer. To be honest, knowing one of your little secrets made me feel over the moon.

Day by day, we gradually became closer and closer. I often skipped those fun parties with other friends just to study at the library with you (to be exact, watch you study). Whenever I tried to take a peek, you only raised your eyebrows at me and told me to study properly. So, I pretended to hit the books again.

The book I was reading at that time was about a creature in the Bloodsucker Genus called The Reverie. Just listening to its name made my head hurt, and my stomach growled, so I closed the book with a deep sigh.

But then, our little secret soon became bigger, without realizing it.

That was the only time I broke the promise to my parents, and revealed my secret.

The Moon

I used to hear a rumour that the best time to reveal your thoughts is on a moonlit night.

That day, you left our dorm and walked into the Old Forest as usual. I did not know why, but that ancient forest always gave me vague anxiety and insecurity. I lay on my bed and tried my best to fall asleep but then failed, and my only thought was hoping that you would come back a bit earlier.

I could not remember the moment I fell asleep. That terrible scene recurred in my dream. I was tied to a pole, surrounded by screaming people. This time, I smelled a rusty scent as the alchemist’s forgotten artifacts. Shuddering up, the smell of fresh blood in the room entered my nose. Across this pitch-black area, the moonlight shone. I lifted the curtains and looked at you, who was sitting on your bed. There were deep cuts on your arms, which at first looked like it was caused by the claws of some kind of predator. I ignored the anxiety inside and rushed to you.

“What’s happened?” I was zealous.

“Some accident with the wild animals in the woods.” You said, “It’s okay, just some sleep and everything will be alright.”

I looked at you like looking at a freak. Some sleep? Had you lost your mind? If you sleep now, your wound would definitely be necrotic the next morning, and you dare to say you were alright.

Mumbling a few swearing, I reached for the peeling knife nearby, cut my hand without hesitation.

“What the freak are you doing?” You hissed through your teeth.

“Sit nicely!” I shouted, then pressed my hand to your wound. The blood poured out from my hand ran down your arm, looking like a pinch of scarlet roots.

Your open wound quickly recovered in your disbelief. You looked at me wide-eyed, inside those ultramarine eyes was a sea of dense emotions that I could not recognize all. I glanced at the disbelief and stunned emotion on the never changing calm face of yours, and felt the sudden excitement of making you express this kind of emotion. However, that excitement receded as the tide at dusk, and I slumped to the floor.

I exposed it, I thought so. However, there was no remorse inside me. Maybe some part of me had always wanted to divulge his secret. After a moment of silence, I slightly cleared my throat.

“Since I was born, I was blessed with a special ability.” I looked at the wound on my palm, and slowly spoke: “My blood can heal any type of injury.”

“Blessed?” You snorted a little, your long eyelashes drooping like willows nearby the lake. Your reaction was a little different from what I had imagined. I looked up at you in surprise, but then suddenly caught a dim gaze like a light from the faraway ocean. I could not read the emotion inside that look, and my heart dropped slightly. This felt strangely empty.

 “If it was a blessing, why would you be afraid of it?”

“What?” I stared at you in disbelief. I had the impression that you had seen through my cowardly nature, my fears, and even my intense desires at that time. My lips trembled in denial, but I was unable to respond.

The silver moonlight was shining, covering your face with some kind of dense tenderness. I was like a pilgrim standing in front of the greatest priest in the middle of the ancient temple, be choked by expressing my heart.

“My family holds this magic healing bloodline, so we are worshipped by the residents. Every once in a while, the lord would provide a cup of blood for the people in our land. It was a tradition being passed down from the older generations.”

I rolled up my left sleeve, which always concealed my left arm days and nights. After that, numerous long, deep white scars appeared underneath the clothing.

“I am the only one who can take on the responsibility of saving the people from death and maintaining the fame of my family. That’s why I have to pour some of my blood into the golden goblet each year.”

“Every time I see the blood dripping down on that cup, I feel disgusted. I despise my blood and want to get rid of my responsibilities. Yet, I regret having such thoughts after witnessing people dying from the plague. I just keep going on hating myself even more and more.”

I dropped my head down on the pillow, unable to hold back my choked sobs.

“But it hurts so much… it really hurts.”

In the darkness, there was an echo of sobbing. You gave me a silent glance before suddenly reaching out to touch my scar. The warmth from your hand was like the warm stream, flowing into my heart. I pursed my lips before impulsively giving you a hug.

Your body was still soaking cold, with clothes drenched in the night dew. On it, though, I could still feel your warmth. Your heart was beating so calmly and steadily, and it made me feel safe.

When I let go of you, I had no idea how much time had passed. I was a little uncomfortable because of the sudden feeling of emptiness, but I tried to talk anyway:

“It’s late now, you should sleep.”

Before I could get up, you caught my hand and held me back. Lifting the arm covered in ugly scars, you leaned over and carefully kissed each of my scars. I looked at you in shock, my cheeks burned as red as a ripe pomegranate on the branch. The words that I was about to say stuck at the tip of my tongue. My body was as stiff as a wooden marionette, letting you caress those scars.

You took a deep sigh, then suddenly asked me:

“If one day death arrives at your door, which way you would choose to end your breathe?”

Perhaps you had heard the begging at the bottom of my heart. Perhaps I was a firefly dying in the glass bottle, wishing to become the blue star on the sky.

You stared at me deeply, the ultramarine shade in your eyes occupying my heart. I laughed and replied in a low voice:

“Being hurt is so frightening, so I would rather die peacefully, without any torture.”

I don’t know if I’m mistaken or not, but your eyes seem to flutter slightly right at that moment. I could not understand the complicated emotions in those eyes, but somehow, they were glittering with steam, shining as the clearest blue crystals. After a long moment of quiet again, you slowly said:

 “The most peaceful death is to fall into an eternal sleep.”

Those words were so low that it seemed to gradually dissolve into the silent air. I gazed at you, then gave you a beam.   

“Then, I want to sleep until the kingdom comes.”

The Judgement

You told me to meet you in the Old Forest. Before leaving, you handed me a talisman and taught me the spell and reminded me to only come to see you at midnight.

The Old Forest appeared, seeming like a remnant from a bygone era. I moved carefully, privately thinking that this forest wasn't as scary as I had imagined. In the pitch-black night, some flame dots flickered and shone like a blue star, guiding me to the neverland. When I arrived in an empty place, those corpse candles began to vanish one after the other.

The surroundings were no longer hidden by those tall trees. Under the bright moonlight, everything in front of me gradually became clear. I saw you standing next to a black creature, with a head as slippery as a snake's head, two pretty little ears, a short neck, a long body, four legs and a pair of thin bat wings. It looked like an oversized lizard, except it was much more adorable than a lizard. You gave me a rare smile when seeing me.

“You came.”

I nodded, curiously looking at the creature. It raised those big snake-like pupils to stare back at me, then suddenly blinked in a fluffy manner. I laughed, about to stroke it but you suddenly stopped me.

“You didn’t study again.” You complained, then sighed. “This creature is called “Reverie”, it took me long enough to find it.”

This name sounded kind of familiar, however, I still could not recall anything about it. Seeing my foolish expression, you could only be reluctance and calmly explained:

“The name "Reverie" comes from the fact that those who are poisoned by it will gradually fall asleep, then die in their own dream.” You smiled at me. “Its poison is on the skin, so I stopped you from touching it.”

Dying while dreaming. I blinked a few times before asking you back.

“You find this for me?”

“No.” You replied: “I find this for myself.”

My brain stopped functioning immediately. I stared at you for so long and can only stuttered a few words.

“What…?”

“I find it…”

“No!” I rudely interrupted you, panicking, “Why?”

You did not answer me but took out a small knife and casually left a cut on your palm.

“Left arm.”

Despite could not understand your intention, I still showed you my left arm unconsciously. You hold your palm tightly, letting the blood drip slowly on my arm. In a blink, the scars on it disappeared like it was not even there in the beginning. As if there was a bolt of lightning running through my spine, I terrified, and opened my eyes widely.

“There’s… no way?”

I was the only person in the family holding this power. Then why there was another person having this blood…?

An illegitimate child? It couldn’t be, no one had ever left the territory for many generations. How could an illegitimate child suddenly appear from nowhere?

As if you could see through my complicated thoughts, you replied:

“Do you want to know the truth about your blood?”

Your expression was still so calm, but all of the sudden, inside that deep ocean, there was an immeasurable melancholy.

The person with those such ocean-like ultramarine eyes inside the nightmare flashed through my mind. I looked at you in shock, realizing that I had always been hanging on a wooden pillar.

It turns out that this bloodline was actually born from the devils.

The Hanged Man

You told me about a story that had happened centuries ago, when this place had not been called “the Old Forest”. There was a creature called the Holy Deer living in this forest. They were creatures with a structure almost the same as humans, except for the deer horns on their heads. Those horns gave them prolonged existence and their blood could cure any disease.

One day, a Holy Deer boy encountered a severely injured human boy inside the forest. The Holy Deer boy used his own blood to cure the human boy, then even became friends with him. Finally, he led the human boy out of the forest, told the other that this is a secret between them, and reminded the human boy to not reveal it to anyone. The boy nodded in agreement, promising that he would return to visit the Holy Deer.

After some time, the boy really came back, but there was a whole big army with him. He had revealed the secret to his family, and the master of the family decided to lead the army into the forest to hunt down the Holy Deer, in order to take away the healing ability.

“In the end, the Holy Deer creature was at the verge of extinction, and those people who robbed the blood blatantly said that they were blessed with it.” He watched me stand there dumbfoundedly, taking a deep breath. “I’m the only Holy Deer left.”

The night breeze blew softly near my ears, and I watched you murmur a spell. A silver light suddenly flashed, and a pair of deer horns slowly appeared on your head. You stared at me, with those as deep as the ocean with thousands of pounding surf eyes.

I thought to myself, that those eyes were really the far-fetched ocean. So enormous, hopelessly enormous.

My whole heart was filled with helplessness and sorrow, and I looked up at the sky.

It was raining. But how could it rain with not even a cloud today?

Then why was there standing water on my cheeks?

My vision blurred for a moment, and I saw that tears were already running down my face. I burst into tears, the quivering sound resonating through the pitch-black night.

The corpse-candle could only ever appear in graveyards, or places full of corpses. This forest was the cemetery of your species, the remnants of my family’s crimes.

The blood running in my veins was the blood being robbed from your family.

I was your enemy, who had stolen your everything. Every time you looked at me, what had you thought? What had you felt?

Hadn’t you wanted to kill me?

Hadn’t you wanted to take revenge on me?

At that moment, a figure stood right in front of me. The sudden warmth of your body covered my body, which was cold from the night dew. I was stunned by your embrace, my hands slouched, not knowing what to do. Your breath was right to my ear, it sounded so soft, and I heard you whisper lightly.

“Don’t look at me like that. My heart will be in such pain.” That warm hand threaded through my hair curls. The tears that I thought were already dry welled up again. I buried my face in the hollow of your shoulder as you gently kissed my hair. Facing that intense tenderness, I could only feel like my heart had been pierced by a thousand knives.

“Please kill me, rather than let me be tormented in guilt.”

“You are not guilty.” You hugged me even tighter, sighed, and repeated. “You are not guilty at all.”

The Highest Priest had said that I am innocent, then what else could I say? Trembling as I wrapped my arms around you, I silently carved your whole being into my heart.

After a while, you let me out and slowly said:

“I had a plan for revenge, but ever since I met you, everything seems pointless. You, just like me, are victims of human greed.”

“So, for this ending, I choose liberation.”

I looked at the Reverie. It still stood there, looking at us with those innocent eyes.

Everything was clear.

An eye for an eye.

If this bloodline begins with evil, then I will end it with your altruism.

Reaching out to take your hand, I playfully said:

“Hey, would you like to sleep till the kingdom comes with me?

In response to me was a deep ocean.

“I’m more than willing to.”

On the day I fell into the ocean, this reel finally returned to its beginning point.

Wheel of Fortune

The moon was full and bright, like a gem in the vast sea of stars.

I let myself fall on the grass, and my body started to lose its senses. The smell of grass soaked in the night dew wafted through my nasal cavity. I let my soul go with the wind, and let my mind go to a faraway land. It had been a long time since I had been able to lie on the grass and enjoy the taste of freedom.

The atmosphere was quiet and calm, with some traces of the old forest sound.

You quietly lay down beside me. You shut down your deep blue eyes, and took a deep sigh of pleasure.

“The sky is so beautiful today, isn’t it?”

“Yeah” But still could not be as beautiful as your eyes.

“We still have homework to complete.”

“Yeah.” Well, there was no time left to finish it.

“I’m so sleepy, let’s do it tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Completely agree with you.

My eyesight gradually blurred, Before the dark night covered my mind, I heard you say the last word.

“Have a good night.”

“You too, have a good night,” I replied, letting the blue star shine my whole heart.

We fall into an eternal sleep, holding each other’s hands while pilgrimaging within the promised neverland.

Even until our last breath, perhaps, we were still the fools.

The Death.